Hospice Referral

My health has deteriorated sufficiently that my cardiologist felt she could refer me to hospice; it's the first step toward Medical Aid in Dying (MAID) which, up 'til now, I've resisted.

Over 400 satisfied customers have taken advantage of the program in the year and a half it's been available, but I don't like the requirement of picking a date & time and that a physician then, at the appointed time, comes bearing the lethal cocktail as if bestowing a sacrament.

While I hope the physician is kind and sympathetic, the protocol feels incredibly pompous and -- at least from my perspective -- obviates any possibility for spontonaity; it actually feels disgusting and abhorrent. On the other hand, gaining access to the program likely means many participants are eagerly begging, PLEADING, for release if they picked a time & date too far out. And what of the folks who *did* and now are no longer capable of drinking it down?

But the past couple of weeks things have taken a sharp turn. The syncope, the feeling of losing consciousness, has become almost continuous except when I'm lying down. Then, if I turn my head or move in the slightest, there's a wave of dizziness.

Nausea is constant with extended (10 minutes or more) of wretching every half hour or so. And today, after not having eaten in a couple of days, straining with dry heaves.