Magic Is Alive

The angina woke me at 2:00.

I thought it'd only been a couple of hours since I last took my meds, but it'd been three. I took 'em again. It's worse at night....I wonder why.

I picked up Harold Fry.

It's completely ridiculous...she, Joyce, has a vague affect similar to Gaiman's (there's a hint of Stardust)...what do they call it, "Magical thinking?"

I had wanted to return to a lake in northern California around now. I think it was after we parted in the Sierras (was that last summer?) that I camped one night at the far end of a lake and the coyotes' songs echoed the way they did the time for us in "Coyote Canyon." It was magical! And I hoped to hear them again.

And the last section in Cured ( I read around midnight b4 going to sleep)

was about Barbara Fredrickson recognizing that every little moment of real interaction, even with strangers, is, or can be, an act of love.

And he, Jeffrey Rediger, writes about how her research shows that these "micro-moments of positivity" are like stars lighting up our vagus nerve...the connecting channel between the three brains....the one in our head, our heart and our gut. It sounds pretty woo-woo, but Rediger (link is to Rediger's website) manages to contextualize it in a way that shows how her idea fits with the other things he's previously presented.

Then here comes Harold Fry. So maybe you need to read at least through Cured up to Frederickson (p.186) b4 you start The Unlikely Pilgrimage.

But it substantiates our fairy tale. And THAT's what's so wonderful. I was telling Adolph (former CVS pharmacy tech) how much each relationship moved me further along...and as I write this I can hear The Liebestod playing in my head.

Link to Sir Georg Solti conducting

the Weiner Philharmonic

And I know that's the gift Walter (my Dad) gave....a belief in the power of Wagner's music....that those myths it revolved around reminded people of the magic of pre-paganism and stories like Stardust and Beauty and the Beast. And you and I went there!....shared that.

So now, at 3:27 a.m., it's my turn to take Jane Einhorn's (a couples counselor Michelle & I saw some years ago) advice and "hold" this moment. As the pain in my chest eases slightly but refuses to subside....and I know....each day I'm moving just a little closer to the edge as, I guess, we all are.

And I think I probably told you of Laura Huxley telling how she disclosed to her son, as she was dying, that she was afraid of death. And how he reassured her (I can't recall which book) that it was as with the baby swallows: that when they finally leaped from the edge of the nest and plummeted toward the ground, as they got near, their wings opened and caught the air and they soared up into the sky. And you can hear the "peak" of The Liebestod" in his tale and the joy of their effortless flight. And I like to think Laura was able to feel a little relief.

   I love you.

Additional Readings:

          Brainpickings on Barbara Fredrickson

Let's Not Complicate (Awwww, MaaaAAAANNN!)

A chiropractor friend referred me to his teacher, Dr. Zhau, a renowned herbalist in Santa Fe. In my second attempt to schedule an appointment I was surprised when Dr. Zhau himself came on the line.

He affirmed that the herbs my friend had suggested were a good choice but when I explained I was interested to learn if there was anything else HE might add, he, facetiously referencing my aforementioned heritage, said that despite my proclivities, he didn't want to complicate things. I quickly shifted into "whine-and-complain mode," but he, completely unimpressed, insisted I wait several months to see the results of the recently added Fu Fang Dan Shen Pian.

But the wonderful kicker was the way he closed the discussion. It took a second iteration for me to catch the word; the accent was unusual (I think he's originally from somewhere in China), but the humor was unmistakable! "Danke," he said. "Bitte! Bitte schon!" I replied, as we hung up.

Highly recommended! WEBSITE

Just Keeping Track

Years ago, a therapist commented that a mark of maturity was denoted by a person's ability to handle ambivalence.

My most recent echocardiogram, a month ago, showed that in spite of two blocked arteries my heart was doing a decent job.

The pain inclines me to think that without the "meds" the angina'd escalate into another infarction, or heart attack. Although as with cancer everyone is different, statistics indicate it's the 2nd one that does people in.

Following a recent suggestion of adding Fu Fang Dan Shen Pian to my regimen has made a significant difference. Although the Chinese herbs work differently than the drugs from the corner pharmacy, they alleviate the pain much more quickly, for longer periods and with much less impact on my digestive system. I have yet to find a way to determine if they're simply having an analgesic effect or if they're doing any good. But hey, whatever works, eh?

Of course, if some of the plaque lining my arteries breaks loose, wends it's way past the heart and blocks an artery to the brain it could be curtains....or worse, not quite curtains - paralysis. You might enjoy The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,

an interesting story by a Frenchman who was "locked in" by a stroke at age 43. He died after a year.

And, of course, there're myriad other things that can give out or happen; sepsis is a common one that recently ended the life of the woman singing in this blogpost.

The ambivalence revolves around how long to wait before throwing in the towel. As a subscriber to the Peaceful Pill Handbook, the distraction of contemplating options (sort of like a Sears Catalogue of old) helps ameliorate the ambivalence.

Hiping

As eyesight has waned, The Michellles have delighted in the often non-sensical permutations they see. Though I admire their ability to find amusement, the bland urbanity does naught for my disposition. Still, I managed a smile as Ms. Cook gave credit to Mr. Nose's prominence in the fact that Baskin Robbins is hiping.

Sweeping win for Willamette River salmon & steelhead!

Yesterday, Advocates for the West secured a strong victory for Upper Willamette River wild spring Chinook salmon and winter steelhead when Chief Judge Hernández of the District of Oregon ruled that the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (Corps) and National Marine Fisheries Service (NMFS) violated the Endangered Species Act (ESA) by failing to take necessary steps to ensure the survival and recovery of these iconic fish.

The Corps manages eight dams in the Upper Willamette Basin that significantly alter habitat and harm these fish. Natl Marine Fisheries Service directed the Corps in 2008 to start making changes to dam operations that would improve survival of Chinook and steelhead. 

After more than a decade of delays and inaction by the Corps, we filed suit in 2018 on behalf of Northwest Environmental Defense Center, WildEarth Guardians, and Native Fish Society, asking the court to compel the Corps to make immediate operational adjustments to these dams in order to save the rapidly dwindling numbers of salmon and steelhead.

Dams on four key tributaries of the Willamette River block between 30-90% of spawning habitat. The dams’ heights and large reservoirs make it nearly impossible for small fish to swim downstream and for adult fish to access critical spawning habitats upstream. Dam operations create unnatural flows, which increases fish mortality by impacting habitat, water quality and water temperature.

The Court found that “Plaintiffs have shown the Corps' operation of the [Willamette Valley Project] without completing the [required] measures is causing the species' decline.” Further, the Court found that “it is undisputed that significant measures were never carried out, some were delayed, some have not yet occurred, and some will not occur in time to meet future deadlines. Meanwhile, [Upper Willamette River] Chinook and steelhead populations continue to decline, although both species remain listed as ‘threatened’ after a 2016 Natl Marine Fisheries Service status review.”

In light of the Corps' failure to carry out "the most important [required] measures" related to fish passage and water quality, the Court ruled favorably on all three of our Endangered Species Act (ESA) claims, holding that: 

1) the Corps' continuing operation of the Willamette Dams is jeopardizing the survival and recovery of both species, 

2) the Corps' operations are unlawfully "taking" Upper Willamette Chinook salmon and steelhead due to high mortality and injury of fish, and 

3) the Corps' and NMFS's significant delay in reinitiating consultation was “a substantial procedural violation of the ESA.”

“The court recognized the Corps has been shirking its legal responsibility to improve conditions for Upper Willamette River Chinook and steelhead for years, and that its operation of the dams continues to inflict severe harm to these species." Said Senior Attorney Laurie Rule. "Hopefully this ruling leads to significant changes in the Corps’ management of these dams that take the species off the path to extinction and instead put them on a path to recovery.”

We are now in the process of preparing a briefing schedule to determine the appropriate remedy. We'll keep you informed as we move forward in this critical fight for Willamette Basin salmon and steelhead!

Read the Court Decision


                                                                 And DONATE....for god's sake!!

Sinuosity

I screeched to a halt.

A splendid specimen...at least four feet long

I began with tender encouragements and polite endearments.
It gave me the hairy eyeball and suggested I take another road.

Finally, I went to the back end and just baaarely touched its tail. THAT did it! It turned on itself and came for me with determination in its eye. I sidestepped and glad to see it wasn't intent on combat, watched as it slid into the bush.

Ginsight Point

I've always removed the sights from my guns. I never cared for sport-shooting and figured if I was far enough away to use a sight I'd be running....away. Thus, I renamed this spot GINsight Point in honor of the liquor. I'm partial to Hendrick's; the jury's still out on vermouths, but in general, a mere whisper does it.

Forest Fire Occlusion

(Evening Arrival)

Morning

Only One Left Uncut

Pipe Spring National Monument

I stopped at Pipe Spring Natl Mon to get water. Autumn, a Ranger, came out to meet me on the front stoop, saying they weren't, due to Covid, letting people inside. She waved a brochure which she said had been disinfected and went on to try and regale me with the travesties of the Mormon Incursion. They'd built their effing brick edifice atop the spring so only THEY could get to the water. Autumn said the water in the restrooms (at the Visitor's Center) was partially Pipe Spring water and the hose down at the Chevron was definitely from Pipe Spring....but I couldn't find it, the hose, that is. Still, the water from the myriad spigots was good.

Lately, when asked how I am I've begun telling folks I'm dying. Some folks say: "That's nice." Others just say, "Oh." Some ask how it feels.

Each day has been slightly more difficult -- mostly in terms of energy -- but when I rejoined to Autumn's inquiry she took it in stride. Always one to pry, I asked about her heritage. She'd been raised by her grandmother, a Ute, and told how the Ute's have a different perspective on death than the Kaibab Paiute (who apparently "claim," with a BIG sign, Pipe Spring Natl Monument).

She said the Ute believe that everything is comprised of energy and interconnected. And when we die our "shell" dies but our energy continues on just as it always has. I like the idea and on the spot, similar to "converting" to LBJ (Lead-Better Johnson's), I adopted it on the spot.

There was a garden out back that had this bit of rock art.

I didn't see any