Sahuarita, Arizona
This morning as I came up into consciousness I accidentally encountered my nose. It wasn't until I'd done a thorough exam (external) that I recognized the shape. But I couldn't feel it.
Surprised, I drifted around further and found the idea that my body is just a shell, it's not me. Then came the thot that death is similar to the way cicadas molt. That was a new one and I went on to speculate about how my carapace, or whatever, is wearing out.
Dr. Marin said I'd know the end was near when the meds stopped working. Well, they haven't stopped; going up one pill -- two and a half years after the heart attack means I'm now at her initially recommended dose.
I took an extra at 1:30 but it wasn't until 2.5 hours later I was able to get up. I'd tried several times over the course of the day and couldn't do it.
I think I may have done some damage the other day when I tried swimming in the colder water. I swam harder to try and get my body temp up enough to handle it, but it didn't work. I got out and it was all I could do to get inside the door of the therapy pool and into a nearby chair. (I've alerted the lifeguards to my DNR, but need to get neck, wrist & ankle bracelets.)
Since then the angina's been nagging...not bad, but noticeable. It was there this morning soon after I recognized Mr. Nose. I've also had an ongoing headache since the swim.
I've heard lobsters molt, but I've yet to hear one sing.
For the record.
23.Dec 9:30 a.m. - There's a layer of ice on the wildlife water/washbasin.
I am sorry you've had a heart attack and now have angina. My grandmother developed angina after decades of smoking even though she quit about a decade prior to her death. The complications were not easy for her. I know that it can be difficult facing chronic health situations and hope that you will feel some improvement in your current symptoms,
ReplyDeleteThank you, e.
DeleteI need to start a "group." Dying is taking alot longer than I expected. It's hard to know what to take seriously...or just another everyday, run-of-the-mill indicator of the/my process.
Thanks for stopping by.
When The Wife talks to her father every day (Yep! Remember Elmer? That old man is still going! Though even his doctor, who finally gave up waiting on him and retired, doesn't know how.) he often says that he can't seem to figure out how to stop waking up in the morning.
DeleteA GREAT story! LOL!
DeletePlease give him my regards.
butterflies, cicadas, these are beautiful images to draw upon when in need. I love to join your group. i have always been an early bird... and am a party pooper, so quoting Pema Chodron; we die how we live. I might fit right in, in your group, hope you invite me in.
ReplyDeleteGood morning, early bird!
DeleteI like that...we die as we live.
You'll definitely be invited.
Merry Christmas!!! 🎄💜🎄💜🎄
Hummm. Nose huh? When I wake up it's a different appendage I 'encounter' first. (Hey! Gota check to make sure the damn thing hasn't fallen off!)
ReplyDeleteKristen is coming at the end of the month. I'll try that one on her..."Don't you wanna check if it's fallen off?" (snicker 😏 snicker🤔)
DeleteWe enter an age, most often, where the 'small stuff' is far down on the priority list. The 'edge' ensures order.
ReplyDeleteArt,
DeletePhoebe says with sufficient foreplay, her heater provides. And in the heat, her air-conditioning is as cucumbers. But I hear yuh. As mentioned above, Kristen is coming in January. I'll see what she's willing to disclose. In the meantime...
https://newmexnomad.blogspot.com/2017/11/kofa-shibari.html?m=0