Denise

This is a blog, a weB-Log. As my memory continues to recede, I find myself turning to it more frequently.

My brother and his family have grown increasingly distant so when I got his email on 3, Dec, saying our sister had died, figuring Eric wouldn't think of it, I wrote to Judith, our sister in Bad Kreuznach, Germany, where Denise was born. Judith wrote back asking how old Denise was. This morning I woke wondering if I'd ever replied. I had, and decided to include it here as well.

The River Nahe

4, Dec, 2020

Good Morning, Sweetheart,

It's  a little past 8:00 in the morning and I'm about to make my second pot of coffee.

Denise was eight years younger than me; her 60th birthday was 1, August. 

She had a rough life. She was only two years old

when we came back from Germany. Mom had the flu while she was

pregnant with Denise and said she thought that affected Denise's health.

Denise always had problems with her teeth; I'm not sure what KIND of problems,

but I think some had to be taken out because they came in sideways or something.

In 1968 we moved from Nashville, Tennessee to El Paso, Texas where Mom befriended Bob Cohn,

a young musician who was playing at the Holiday Inn where she worked. I'd gone back to Nashville

to find work and Mom let him stay in my room. Denise fell in love with him and at age 14

she left to travel with him. Eventually they married.

For the first several years Denise did nothing but sit in the audience and drink.

It was during that time that she became addicted to alcohol.

Throughout the years, Mom had been helping Bob and Denise financially. When Mom died

they owed her $2,000.00. I don't think anyone expected them to pay it back, but Bob divorced

Denise and married a woman who had more money. No one ever mentioned the $2,000 again.

Denise had no source of income and I was preoccupied with my own troubles at the time. 

Denise, who'd always enjoyed sex, became a prostitute.

She worked at that for -- as far as I know -- the rest of her life.

I went to see her once when she was around 50. She said she enjoyed her

work and liked giving and receiving pleasure. But she was drinking a lot

and had been anorexic since she was in her teens and the stomach acid

from throwing up had ruined her teeth. She also lost so much calcium from

her bones she had osteoporosis and, as a result, couldn't stand up straight.

A week or so after we saw each other she called and said she needed money for rent. I took her some and told

her I had had to borrow it from my VISA and if there was any way she could pay it back I'd really appreciate it.

A friend of hers called soon thereafter and told me she thought Denise had become a criminal...that she just

took whatever she could from whomever. It was her way of letting me know I shouldn't expect Denise to pay me back. 

I never heard from Denise again. 

I know she tried a couple of times to get off the alcohol but couldn't do it. A year or so ago I looked her up online and

saw she'd moved to Pennsylvania. 

I was saddened by her not having kept in touch. We had a very close relationship and she was one of the few

people who really understood me. I loved her a lot and her death, although probably a mercy for her, has affected

me deeply. I feel sad I wasn't able to do more for her, but -- like all of us Herrmanns -- she had a mind of her own.

              Love You !!!

                             Michael