This past Spring, on March 8, I used mine to vent some pent-up rage at the petty judgmentalisms that form the basis of major disputes around the globe.
Recognizing the rage as judgement-based did little to affect my opinions, but the adrenaline infusion (interestingly) altered my biochemistry such that I now have a tad more empathy for others and a heightened proclivity toward humor.
On the other end of the spectrum, though the event catapulted my life-long fascination with death -- the trebuchet having been a metaphorical device all along -- the patience required between "shots" continues to be a source of frustration.
I keep returning to my first blogpost and chanting, "process, process, process" augmented with, of course, a microdose.
Jozien, in an email, mentioned the book Cured: The Life-Changing Science of Spontaneous Healing by Jeffrey Rediger, M.D. which led to When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi.
On pp 131-132, about the middle of the book, Paul writes: "Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn't know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn't know when.But now I knew it acutely.The problem wasn't really a scientific one. The fact of death is unsettling.Yet there is no other way to live." (You might notice the similarity to that aphorism, "Before enlightenment chop wood carry water; after enlightenment chop wood carry water.")
Then, on pp. 160-161, he adds some spin: "The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing. You try to figure out what matters to you, and then you keep figuring it out. It felt like someone had taken away my credit card and I was having to learn how to budget. You may decide you want to spend your time working as a neurosurgeon, but two months later, you may feel differently. Two months after that, you may want to learn to play the saxophone or devote yourself to the church. Death may be a one-time event, but living with terminal illness is a process."
I like that he includes several quotes from Waiting For Godot...one being, "I can't go on. I go on."
Jozien, in an email, mentioned the book Cured: The Life-Changing Science of Spontaneous Healing by Jeffrey Rediger, M.D. which led to When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi.
On pp 131-132, about the middle of the book, Paul writes: "Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn't know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn't know when.But now I knew it acutely.The problem wasn't really a scientific one. The fact of death is unsettling.Yet there is no other way to live." (You might notice the similarity to that aphorism, "Before enlightenment chop wood carry water; after enlightenment chop wood carry water.")
Then, on pp. 160-161, he adds some spin: "The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing. You try to figure out what matters to you, and then you keep figuring it out. It felt like someone had taken away my credit card and I was having to learn how to budget. You may decide you want to spend your time working as a neurosurgeon, but two months later, you may feel differently. Two months after that, you may want to learn to play the saxophone or devote yourself to the church. Death may be a one-time event, but living with terminal illness is a process."
P.166 - "...the physician's duty is not to stave off death or return patients to their old lives, but to take into our arms a patient and family whose lives have disintegrated and work until they can stand back up and face, and make sense of, their own existence."
I like that he includes several quotes from Waiting For Godot...one being, "I can't go on. I go on."
That’s some good stuff.
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