Just Keeping Track

Years ago, a therapist commented that a mark of maturity was denoted by a person's ability to handle ambivalence.

My most recent echocardiogram, a month ago, showed that in spite of two blocked arteries my heart was doing a decent job.

The pain inclines me to think that without the "meds" the angina'd escalate into another infarction, or heart attack. Although as with cancer everyone is different, statistics indicate it's the 2nd one that does people in.

Following a recent suggestion of adding Fu Fang Dan Shen Pian to my regimen has made a significant difference. Although the Chinese herbs work differently than the drugs from the corner pharmacy, they alleviate the pain much more quickly, for longer periods and with much less impact on my digestive system. I have yet to find a way to determine if they're simply having an analgesic effect or if they're doing any good. But hey, whatever works, eh?

Of course, if some of the plaque lining my arteries breaks loose, wends it's way past the heart and blocks an artery to the brain it could be curtains....or worse, not quite curtains - paralysis. You might enjoy The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,

an interesting story by a Frenchman who was "locked in" by a stroke at age 43. He died after a year.

And, of course, there're myriad other things that can give out or happen; sepsis is a common one that recently ended the life of the woman singing in this blogpost.

The ambivalence revolves around how long to wait before throwing in the towel. As a subscriber to the Peaceful Pill Handbook, the distraction of contemplating options (sort of like a Sears Catalogue of old) helps ameliorate the ambivalence.