Saturday, July 21, 2012

AaWWW MaaaAAAAaaannnn!!! (excerpted w/o permission from Captain Underpants)

I passed the first anniversary of my brush with helium the other day. I have to say, it went by more lightly than that batch of refried beans I whomped up.

I'd read Final Exit when it first came out and was enthused when some years later they discovered helium.

Last year I was 58 and had had enough. However, soon after I opened the valve I began to feel as if a cloud of bees was descending around muh hedbone. 'Twas uncomfortable. I shut off the tank, waited an hour for it (muh hed) tuh clear, drove to the store for a bottle of gin and had a few. Then I tried again. Same thing.

I was annoyed for several months. I called one of the more vocal proponents, a physician, to alert him of the "side effect." He gruffly said, "No one's ever survived it. That's impossible." End of conversation.

I'm writing this to share (in that beauuteeful way) with all of you who are looking forward to this option.
As an aside: I suspect a high level of physical pain might over-ride the discomfort. But it was sufficient to thwart me  -- undt vonce vee Churmenz put our (alleged) minds to sompsing....!!

It was disappointing to learn it ain't the eezee-peezee transition it's touted to be.

Perhaps this explains why some people flail their arms.

Good luck.

2 comments:

John W. Abert said...

Me thinks you been a spendin' a wee bit too much time in the hills with the moonshine, and not enough in the Alps with the warm beer! You'd best go back and find your heritage before you lose it completely!

(:>)

Michelle Cook said...

Somehow it seems like more than a year since that incident. But it's all such a blur when so much happens in the World of MFH. All I can say is, I'm dag-nabbed glad you're still here, Dear.