The full-on panic attack a couple of days ago has me wondering how much of today's agglomeration is psychosomatic.
I awoke at 9 a.m. feeling as if I was afloat in a small boat. It was really strange feeling dizzy while lying still; the slightest movement of my head made it worse.
The gastritis, a symptom from the highly acidic cocktail of heart medications, has been "problematic" all along. Ongoing experiments in food & liquid combinations haven't produced any mitigating results. A couple of weeks ago it ramped up a few notches & became continuous. Nausea joined up to reduce my food intake to very little; Mr. Stomach was imitating the wicked witch of the West moaning, "I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!"
Pee is as dark as coffee...not drinking enough water.
In the evening Danielle the Death Doula came over.
She looks much younger than her 40 years and lying in bed hearing first-hand her incredible tale of survival that included an NDE brought tears of empathy at her struggle and tears of happiness as she told how she's healthier than ever before.
It was the NDE that changed her life and set her on the course of helping people die easily, without anxiety or fear.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling, struggling might be an understatement. Dying might as well be the hardest thing ever. I hope there is a little comfort in the fact that some people die unexpectedly and do not get a few weeks, months? that they know they end is near.
ReplyDeleteand only then, we might know if this end was only a beginning, or even an
ReplyDeleteunderstanding.