Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Monday, February 29, 2016

High an' Mighty Airs








Click on image to largen.



On weekends instead of watching sports my Dad would get out a music stand (with libretto) and a baton and with the volume rattling the windows conduct one of Wagner's operas. It wasn't until we returned to The States a month before my tenth birthday that I heard anything besides classical. Wahnfried is the name of Richard Wagner's home in Bayreuth, Bavaria. It means Madness Free. I was born in Nurnberg.





RED MEAT is an independent, alternative comic strip begun in late 1989. It has appeared in over 160 alternative weeklies, magazines and college newspapers both in the US and abroad. Since 1996, it has been available for reading on the web.





Saturday, February 15, 2014

Gerrmann Biker club

A female "elder" bin tinkin' 'bout joinin' zee local bikers' club.

Vun day she pluckt her chutzpah und knockt at zee clubhouse.

A beeg, hairy biker mit tatoos und ha'dvare answer.

She shout: "Ich vant to join zee club!!"

Zee biker ist amused und  'splains zat she must meet der criterionz.

Zee biker begins zee interrogayshunn "Habben Sie eine motorbike?"

Die Frau sagte dann (replies), "Yah!! Meine byke ist Parked ober Zer," (she points to a new sport-byke in zee drive.)



Zee biker zen asks, "Youse drink?"

"Yah, sez she, Ich trinkin' lak ah fish!! Gut, dark beer mostly, schnapps ven I shootin' zee pool. I trink effryvun in yer club unner der table!"

The biker, rising to the occasion, asks, "You schmoke?"





"Yah, schmoke lak uh chimbly," she sez. "Two dozen ganjah uh day....Kronik vin ich drinkin' der schnapps und shootin' zee pool."

By now der byker ist tinking 'bout der poten'shul und sez, "Last qvestshoon, "Hast Sie ebber bin pickt up by Der Fuzz?"

Der Vommin paused fur eine Sekondt, grinz und sez, "Nein!! Abbe ich bin svung round by mein nipplz now und den!!"


From The New Yorker magazine, p.47, July 20, 1998
Yah!!! Zo, Vat are Sie vaiting for?!!!! Plucken up Sie Fuzz und get knocken on zee door(s).

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Taos Nuns

There were six nuns on their way to the Mission at Ranchos de Taos in their VW bus. (This happened in the ‘60s.) As they were going over the Taos Gorge (900+ feet above the Rio Grande) the one driving was enjoying the view so much she missed the turn. The three in the front had their seatbelts on and lived; the three in the back didn't....and died.

When they got up to heaven (a mythical place of unending orgasm) St. Peter met them at the gates. Apologizing, he said, “Unfortunately, you’ve come on a day when in order to get in you have to answer a question.”

The three nuns looked at each other, shrugged and the first one stepped up.

St. Peter had a stern look as he asked, “What was the name of the first woman God (capitalized as a concession to christians) created?” The nun smiled and replied, “Eve.” And as that was the correct answer, the gates swung open, heralds sounded their trumpets, rainbows filled the sky and with bluebirds twittering, the nun strode up the boulevard into never-never ending....heaven.

Now comes the second. St. Peter gives her the hairy eyeball and in a tone conveying the seriousness of the situation asks, “What was the name of the first man God created?” 

“Adam” she replies. And as with the previous, the gates swung majestically, everyone harked to the Harold's, and bluebirds tittered while confetti and ribbons added to the glory.....and she joined her sister.

So now it's the third one’s turn. St. Peter’s countenance is a bit more beneficent. He looks at the nun sympathetically and puts it to her: “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”

The nun is a bit taken aback. Sheepishly, she asks if she can have some time to think about it. He agrees to an hour.

She goes off and cogitates. Her hour up, she returns to where St. Peter is waiting.  Having had no success with her ruminations she is decidedly hangdog. Close to tears, as she approaches him she says, “Boy, that’s a hard one.” And the gates swung open, the heralds & bluebirds etc....

Don't forget the Alboline!